Yesterday, as I sat at the back of the the room, listening to the keynote speaker, I was feeling very guilty. Guilty because I was not paying attention. The presenter was a nice lady, well-meaning, sincere, and her Wayne-Dyer-esque message was nothing I would challenge. But I did not want to shut my eyes when she asked us to; I even looked around to see who else was not cooperating. I did not want to get up and sit with someone new - and didn't. I stayed glued to my friend who was writing up lessons for next week, totally oblivious. And instead of taking notes, I wrote a list of "Things to do this weekend." I thought, "What's wrong with me? When I give a workshop there is nothing more annoying, even hurtful, than those who sit at the back and mark math sheets while I am sweating up front! Why am I doing this?" Then it occurred to me, and this is not an excuse for my bad behaviour - that a lot of our students are probably sitting at the back of the class, distracted, doodling, anonymous, thinking that their participation doesn't matter, thinking about their weekend, letting the teacher's words wash over them like a comforting blanket of elevator music, embarrassed and angry when they are jolted back into reality by the sound of their own name, "Margaret, what do you think of what Tony just suggested?"
I thought about what would have made a difference to my attitude and level of engagement during the keynote address: personal connections, intrinsic motivation, relevant material, a chance for structured talk, and positive interdependence with my peers. Our keynote speaker didn't have a hope in Hades of creating those conditions for learning in that auditorium. The class size was way to big, for a start! I am sorry for my bad behaviour. I promise to try to be a better student in future.